Thank you Andrew. I did not specifically know of this type of therapy (there are so many!), but could identify both with many of the ways of working and with the roots in Jungian psychology. It is certainly an interesting way of defining/seeing “edge”. But, as I have been exploring most recently, I am thinking about feeling the sense of edge and softening it without taking it away. Then opening to the possible beauty in soft edges.
I have gone back to the poem, experimented with another verse – and, in the end, rejected it. Fire is already there in the last verse – the fire of desire. But it was worth going back to the last verse and I have slightly altered the words! I like it better now.
Hmmm… I’m glad you liked this poem. I never quite know how another will receive what I write in a poem. I have actually felt these things – at times when I have really not wanted to be me any more. So they are death wishes in that sense. I once got up in the middle of the night with the intention to go and lie down in a muddy field. I got as far as the back steps – and then thought about my children. But this is a turning away from. When I die, I would like to open to it rather than do a turning away from. Is that possible I wonder?
I will think about fire. I once felt a kind of Kali-like energy around me while walking in the sun. I had lost a lot of weight and was heading for depression. It felt a bit like being turned to ash.
I think desire is lots of different things to different people – but the kind of desire which I am now calling a deep desire is more about opening to rather than closing around “the other”. This is what I am increasingly interested in. It’s the opposite of closing down into isolation. I have felt from the beginning almost of this enquiry that desiring from a sense of lack is a sad shadow of the desire that is possible – that can enhance my life rather than afflict it. When I find myself indulging in a sense of lack, I give myself a shake (and would appreciate a shake from others if they notice me doing it!). Pain is certainly a part of life – but when it is self-inflicted that seems pretty unnecessary. Am I being unkind? I do know how long it has taken me to get to this point – and I have needed the help and wisdom of others. I’ve certainly spent a lot of time closed down into isolation – and not noticed the robin singing in the tree.
Thank you so much, Andrew! I was writing the notes for this at the piano in your session. I did feel in a relationship with the lemon – a relationship of desire.
Lorde does indeed define the erotic in terms of joy: the sharing of joy with another – self-connection with one’s capacity for joy and deep feeling in all aspects of one’s life. It’s the energy, and she calls it the power, that arises when we realise we are capable of feeling deep joy and are really able to share deep feeling with others, that she maintains can enable us to engage in real change in the world. I keep coming back to this “opening to” – not turning away from. We certainly need a phenomenal amount of energy and power at the moment to engage in fundamental change in the world.
I knew you would feel this one. Brandon’s book was one I read in the 80s and later recommended to my students when we looked at “reasons for wanting to be a therapist” – until it went out of print. I tried to be quite tough on my students in terms of challenging any reasons they came up with for wanting to do this work. Do you know Lemn Sissay’s story? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwj5XKzOadM&t=13s Different from yours but also very difficult.
Yes – deep, open, aware presence. Find a way there and then ask, “What do you desire?” It’s a practice in opening to desire I think.
Thank you Andrew. I did not specifically know of this type of therapy (there are so many!), but could identify both with many of the ways of working and with the roots in Jungian psychology. It is certainly an interesting way of defining/seeing “edge”. But, as I have been exploring most recently, I am thinking about feeling the sense of edge and softening it without taking it away. Then opening to the possible beauty in soft edges.
I have gone back to the poem, experimented with another verse – and, in the end, rejected it. Fire is already there in the last verse – the fire of desire. But it was worth going back to the last verse and I have slightly altered the words! I like it better now.
Hmmm… I’m glad you liked this poem. I never quite know how another will receive what I write in a poem. I have actually felt these things – at times when I have really not wanted to be me any more. So they are death wishes in that sense. I once got up in the middle of the night with the intention to go and lie down in a muddy field. I got as far as the back steps – and then thought about my children. But this is a turning away from. When I die, I would like to open to it rather than do a turning away from. Is that possible I wonder?
I will think about fire. I once felt a kind of Kali-like energy around me while walking in the sun. I had lost a lot of weight and was heading for depression. It felt a bit like being turned to ash.
I think desire is lots of different things to different people – but the kind of desire which I am now calling a deep desire is more about opening to rather than closing around “the other”. This is what I am increasingly interested in. It’s the opposite of closing down into isolation. I have felt from the beginning almost of this enquiry that desiring from a sense of lack is a sad shadow of the desire that is possible – that can enhance my life rather than afflict it. When I find myself indulging in a sense of lack, I give myself a shake (and would appreciate a shake from others if they notice me doing it!). Pain is certainly a part of life – but when it is self-inflicted that seems pretty unnecessary. Am I being unkind? I do know how long it has taken me to get to this point – and I have needed the help and wisdom of others. I’ve certainly spent a lot of time closed down into isolation – and not noticed the robin singing in the tree.
Thank you so much, Andrew! I was writing the notes for this at the piano in your session. I did feel in a relationship with the lemon – a relationship of desire.
Lorde does indeed define the erotic in terms of joy: the sharing of joy with another – self-connection with one’s capacity for joy and deep feeling in all aspects of one’s life. It’s the energy, and she calls it the power, that arises when we realise we are capable of feeling deep joy and are really able to share deep feeling with others, that she maintains can enable us to engage in real change in the world. I keep coming back to this “opening to” – not turning away from. We certainly need a phenomenal amount of energy and power at the moment to engage in fundamental change in the world.
Just to remind you Caroline:
Being Seen
For Caroline
Sometimes I feel invisible –
others seeing just what
they expect to see –
not who I am inside.
I float away,
distant and alone.
Your hand,
warm on my shoulder,
is all I need
to bring me back
down to ground.
Mary Booker 19.05.2015
I experience you, Joy, as passionately caring. Joy cares!!!! There is desire in this.
Thanks. xxx
I knew you would feel this one. Brandon’s book was one I read in the 80s and later recommended to my students when we looked at “reasons for wanting to be a therapist” – until it went out of print. I tried to be quite tough on my students in terms of challenging any reasons they came up with for wanting to do this work. Do you know Lemn Sissay’s story? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwj5XKzOadM&t=13s Different from yours but also very difficult.
Yes – deep, open, aware presence. Find a way there and then ask, “What do you desire?” It’s a practice in opening to desire I think.